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After one of the routine tests we were informed that there were causes for concern. Possible Spina Bifida. Possible Downs Syndrome. Et cetera. Et cetera.

After further testing, and by the grace of God, our son was not afflicted with either of these difficult conditions. However the testing did bring to light some other difficulties. He was ‘struggling’ inside of my belly and his growth was being drastically restricted. We found out after Alex was born that my placenta was riddled with blockages and clots preventing nutrients and even an ample supply of oxygen from getting to him regularly. Hence the struggling. After spending only about a week in the anti-natal ward of St. Joe’s hospital, being monitored and tested several times a day, it was finally determined that my son (we didn’t know it was a boy at the time) was having so many complications on the inside, that he’d have a better fighting chance being on the outside. (it’s almost funny to think of my womb like that).

And so it was that Alexandre was born at 28 weeks gestation and weighed a whopping 722 grams! I can’t begin to adequately describe the jumble of emotions during that period of time:

Complete elation – we have a son!
Panic – we may yet lose him.
Guilt – I should have eaten more / better, I should have taken a wider range of vitamins…Did I cause this?
Dark fear – if he survives, what lingering issues and conditions await him and how will we cope and manage?

The next few weeks (nearly 3 months) in the NICU were a rollercoaster as well. Ups – hitting milestones like reaching the 1 Kg Club (that was pretty cool – only few may really appreciate what a BIG milestone that really is), being removed from the ventilator, being removed from all the lines and machines (although we did ask if we could keep the machines on for one more day), good test results, passing the car seat test etc. Downs – failing the car seat test, blood transfusions, infections, getting late night calls that he had pulled out his ventilator tube again when he wasn’t ready to breathe on his own, As and Bs, blood work from his micro heal, post discharge surgeries etc. Throughout it all not only did my husband and I lean on each other endlessly for strength, and had so much love and support from our family and friends, but we were so well treated and taken care of by the nurses, doctors and staff at St. Joe’s NICU that we owe them such a debt of gratitude that we can never hope to repay. They kept us sane. They kept us positive. They kept us focused on our son and his needs more than on our own fears. We often joke that they provided just as much (if not more) care and comfort for us as they did for our son. Each and every one of them is an angel in our eyes and we greatly appreciate what they did for our family. We know very well that without their efforts Alexandre would not have made it… and neither would we.

Finally, we know how fortunate we are and count our blessings every single day. Alex is a happy and healthy 7 year old now. He is a loving son and dotting big brother to his 1 ½ year old sister. He excels in his school work (his favourite subject is Learning) and, according to his father, will grow up to be a soccer superstar before becoming Prime Minister. And, aside from being a very finicky eater (yes, we still struggle with that) and having the occasional ‘attitude’ (something my husband attributes to my side of Alex’s genetic makeup) he has no lingering effects from his severe prematurity. What he does have is an incredible resiliency and adaptability. I truly wish he continues to have, and grow, these attributes and know they will serve him well in life.

After almost a year of ‘trying’ with no success, tons of friendly and helpful advice such as ‘just try not to think about it’, ‘make sure you ‘do it’ 10 days after your cycle’ and ‘take a trip, that’s when we got pregnant’ we decided it was time to really start thinking about our options.

We were referred to the SOFT clinic by our family doctor and as soon as we walked into the door, we felt like we were where we needed to be to be successful. From the friendly smile as soon as you walk into the door, to the shoulders that saw thousands of tears, we never once felt like our journey was too long, or too hard for them to overcome. We just KNEW it was going to happen. Little did we know though, it was going to take some time and our patience was going to be tested again, and again, and again.

We immediately started cycle monitoring which involved a visit every month to see how many follicles were growing. The nurses and doctors at the SOFT clinic were there for us throughout every visit. No question ever was too silly, no worry was ever too small and we owe them my sanity!! Because I only made 1-2 follicles naturally, we decided to try a drug called Clomid. After one cycle, we realized that though the drug was doing what it was supposed to, cysts were growing in my ovaries as well from the Clomid and we switched to Femara which worked famously! No cysts and more than 1-2 follicles made us confident that pregnancy was just a month or so away. A couple cycles later, we decided to try IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination) along with the Femara to help increase the chances of a successful pregnancy. 8 IUI’s later, I still wasn’t pregnant and it was almost 5 years since we initially decided to ‘try to have a baby’.

Needless to say, our journey was far from over. Even so, we kept the smile on our faces and the hope in our hearts because we just KNEW this journey would have a wonderful ending.

Even though every month we were dealing with a gamut of emotions including immense heartache, disappointment and fear of the unknown (because I still had never gotten pregnant) we were becoming closer and stronger as a couple and had a wonderful time ‘trying’ to get pregnant. We tried really hard not to let our attempts just be ‘baby making time’ and took the opportunity to travel (we went twice to Las Vegas and once to Cuba), enjoy our ‘single couple time’ and learn more and more about each other and how strong we could each be for the other spouse and as a couple. We sure are glad we did so because soon, our strength was going to be tested and tested really hard.

In January 2010, we decided to try IVF (in-vitro fertilization). We had saved up every cent we were paying out and couldn’t imagine anything more exciting to spend it on. I’ll admit, giving myself numerous needles for 5 days was definitely something I never thought I’d be able to do but it showed me just how strong I had become and how badly I wanted this! At the end of January, it was time to test fate and have the actual transfer done. I had successfully created 15 follicles and 6 of them were viable. It was an exciting day, 2 embryos were transferred in and now it was a waiting game. We were thrilled that we also had 4 other embryos that could potentially be frozen to use if the 2 that were transferred into my uterus didn’t attach, the 28th of January was an exciting day.

Then…heartbreak. I called the clinic and was told that the embryos that were going to be frozen hadn’t ‘made it.’ Not ONE of them had lived. What would we do now? All we could do was concentrate on the 2 that were inside of me and just hope, with all our hearts that they were growing. In 2 weeks, we got the answer. I couldn’t take it anymore and bought 2 home pregnancy tests the day before going into the SOFT clinic for our clinical pregnancy test. I WAS PREGNANT and the next day it was confirmed. Then, more good news, not only was I pregnant, the numbers suggested I could be pregnant with multiples!! It was a dream come true.

3 weeks later, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. One of the side effects of being stimulated by the IVF drugs is ‘ovarian-hyperstimulation’ and was I ever stimulated!! By 5 weeks pregnant, I looked like I was 3 months pregnant and it was all fluid. Not only was it in the lining between my stomach and skin, it was in my lungs making it difficult to breathe. Soon, we returned back to the ISIS clinic in Mississauga to have some of the fluid drained. They removed 2 litres…..2 soft drink bottles!! Needless to say, I felt MUCH better.

My pregnancy progressed, the babies were growing well, I was growing, however it was not an easy pregnancy and by 5 months, I was on bed rest (by the time I was 6 months I was measuring full term and had gained 50 pounds).

A week after being put on bed rest at home, I returned to have my 6 month check up with my OB. During the ultrasound, I just knew something was wrong. The normally chipper ultrasound tech was abnormally quiet. Going into the doctors’ office, I had a sinking feeling, something was not right. As soon as the ultrasound films were taken out of the envelope, we saw his face drop. He was shocked as he shared that I was completely effaced. I had no discernable cervix left and I was now going to be a “prisoner of St. Joseph’s” in the hopes of keeping the babies inside as long as I could. Darryl and I started a cribbage tournament thinking I’d be there for a long, long time.

7 days later, I went into labour at 11:15 pm, just after saying goodnight to my husband. I couldn’t understand, I was only 25 weeks and 4 days, this couldn’t be happening! But it was, I was already 8 centimetres dilated, and the babies were coming. 1 hour and 45 minutes later, Addison Paige was born at 2 pounds 1 ounce and Myles Oliver was born at 2 pounds exactly.

The first time we saw the babies was 5 hours after they had been born. Dr. Coughlin brought us pictures of both of them and told us the good news!! Addison was so strong, they even contemplated NOT intubating her to help her breathe and Myles, though intubated, was doing well. They were great sizes for premature twins and we headed down to the NICU to see them. I can’t even explain the feelings I experienced when we saw our kids for the first time. The joy and exuberance of having the babies was overshadowed with sorrow and pain. They were red in color, almost purple, not the normal healthy pink you see on ‘A Baby Story’ and they were so very, very small. There were tubes everywhere and going into what seemed like every possible opening. I couldn’t cry I could just stare. What was going to happen now?

The nurses stood with us with pained smiles on their faces and explained everything while answering the gazillion questions we had. What does that machine do? How long will they be on that? What does this mean? The question we avoided was, Are they going to live? How can you even utter than question when you’re talking about your babies? Just being with the nurses on the first day helped us realize how lucky we were to have the kids in their care. Not only were they knowledgeable, they cared about our kids and we knew that they would do whatever it took to keep our kids not only safe and healthy, but alive.

That first day was a dream. The kids were doing SO well!! Even though they were incubated, they were breathing ‘room air’ and all seemed good. The nurses kept telling us to be cautious though. Our kids were really young, were really small and they were in the ‘honeymoon period.’ They just wanted to make sure we were being cautiously optimistic. We sure are glad they did. The next day started one of the worst days of our lives.

I woke up, pumped my first ever amount of milk for our kids and headed down to the NICU to see them. I was SO excited. As I walked in, I realized that there were far too many people around the kids and before I could stop, I realized that something was VERY wrong. Soon I learned that Addison had suffered a lung hemorrhage and was almost drowning in her own blood. I was so scared I couldn’t even breathe. We learned shortly after that she had also suffered a brain hemorrhage, grade 3 bilateral and she was very, very sick. It was unbelievable and it was hard to understand but we pulled ourselves together and headed to my hospital room. Within an hour, the doctor had returned to give us the horrible news that Myles had also suffered a lung hemorrhage and even though it wasn’t as bad as Addison’s he was also very sick. Both babies were given blood transfusions and we started to pray.

We decided to have the babies baptized and were amazed that the hospital could provide us with a minister in Rev. Margaret. Within a day, the babies were baptized and our souls were put at ease.

As the summer continued, both babies encountered many different obstacles while in the NICU including numerous infections, which required both kids be given immunoglobulin and numerous blood transfusions, a scare with NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis) for Addison (that thank goodness was not NEC) and PDA ligation surgery for Myles to repair one of the valves in his heart that didn’t close when he was born. Our little man also gave us a pretty substantial scare when he aspirated some of his milk into his lungs and contracted pneumonia as a result. Because of this, the NICU staff completed a swallow study and we learned that he refluxes almost every time he eats. Poor little man!!

Addison came home on October 13th after 93 days in the hospital and Myles joined her on November 10th after 121 days. It’s been amazing since. Other than dealing with some pretty terrible reflux (both kids have ‘thickener’ added to the milk in their bottles and take daily medicine), a cold that brought us to the ER for Myles and a cows milk allergy that brought us there for Addy, it’s been a pretty wonderful last couple of months!! The kids have really taken well to our daily and nightly routine and Myles was just recently discharged from Dr. Shiedow’s eye clinic which means he is no longer at risk for ‘retinopathy of pre-maturity’.

Each day, the kids do something new and whether it’s a new sound, a different smile or a new adventure we’ve taken (even if it’s just to the grocery store), we relish in the fact that these two little angels have blessed us in our lives. We continuously marvel at how strong they are and how resilient they have become. Nothing is a challenge for them. They just keep trying and trying until they get it and we constantly wonder what they’ll be when they grow up. If they are this strong and persistent now, the future is VERY exciting for them!

We are so lucky to have them and we can’t imagine our life any other way.

We couldn’t have lived this life without the staff at the SOFT clinic nor the staff at St. Joe’s and we will be forever indebted to each and every one of them. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We will never forget everything you’ve done for us.

Life is good and we just can’t wait to see what our future brings.

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” Anonymous

On Thursday September 6th, 2007 (24 weeks pregnant) I boarded a train from London to Ottawa to visit my extended family…just after the Toronto stop over I began to feel very strange. After multiple trips to the washroom discovered I was ‘leaking’…just after the stop in Belleville I started to cramp big time….just after the stop in Kingston my lower back started to hurt. I had no idea what was going on so I did what any normal person would do…I called a friend on my cell and asked her to google LABOUR! What did I know about labour; I was only 6.5 months pregnant – I hadn’t got to that part of the book ‘What to expect when you’re expecting’. Why would I… I was still 4 months away!

Once I arrived in Ottawa my cousin took me straight to the General Hospital. Within the hour I was admitted and on my way into Labour & Delivery…sans my husband who was at home in London blissfully unaware. The phone call home went something like this….

Me: JP, you need to come to Ottawa. I am in the hospital about to have the baby. They are going to try and stall my labour but you need to get here now.
JP: What?
Me: (repeat above)
JP: I don’t understand?
Me: (repeat above)
JP: What do you mean?
Me: Baby now, come here!

JP and sister arrived 6 hours later with only a ripped plastic bag containing 3 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of socks, a t-shirt and shorts…he spent the next week sleeping under an air conditioner with only a bed sheet covering him. (It’s funny now…)

We were seen by the NICU DR’s and given our odds…the percentage of having a healthy baby did not seem promising but we were too focused on what was going on to be sad. The DRs held off my labour with drugs long enough to administer the steroid shots but within 48 hours I was back in labour & delivery. After essentially 6 days of labour on and off my Nurse, Pascale, determined I had developed an infection and the ‘plan’ went from keeping the baby in as long as possible to getting the baby out NOW! Within 30 minutes I was on the table in the OR.

JP and I were pleased to announce the birth of our daughter Hannah Lynn Joe-Anna Fortier @ 1pm on Tuesday September 11th, 2007. She weighted 1 pound 10 ozs. I was 25.5 weeks pregnant.

As in love as we were, JP and I soon realized the gravity of the situation. Not only was Hannah very medically unstable but we were hours from home and I was being discharged and JP was required back at work. On Sunday September 16th, just as we were coming to visit Hannah before JP headed back to London we were told that Hannah was being prepped to fly home. Can you imagine if JP had left?! I would have been stranded in Ottawa, by baby in the sky and JP none-the–wiser. Blessings…

We were welcomed into the St. Joseph’s NICU with warmth and love. Hannah’s journey over the following weeks was tough. She experienced; heart surgery, a grade 2 bleed on her brain, stage 2 ROP, fluid on her lungs, weeks of intubation – followed by weeks of O2. She developed infections, required blood transfusions and so much more. But all those bad moments felt miles away when I was doing kangaroo care, or when we gave Hannah her first bath, or when she wore a sleeper for the first time or when she graduated to a crib. Hannah’s Nurses’ were our glue. They cared for her with the love and dedicated of caring for their own child.They were one of our most important support systems. Words cannot express our gratitude to Diane Kellick and Cindy Langlois.

FINALLY after 4 months in the NICU, followed by 3 weeks in care-by-parent, on December 22nd, 2007 we were able to take Hannah home – she was 7.5 pounds. Hannah continued tube feeding until February 2008 – but other than that there were not many physical reminders that she was a preemie…..the number of appointments told us otherwise. Hannah was referred to everyone; Home Nurse visiting program, Occupational Therapist, Nephrology, Hearing Specialist, Optometrist, Nutritionist and of course her Pediatrician (who we love! Dr. Stare)

Because Hannah came home during cold and flu season we kept her in a bubble until late spring – rarely going out expect for appointments etc. Hannah had horrible reflux and rarely kept anything down… she was also orally averted which made feeding her a challenge. This was compounded by her small size and the need for all the calories to count. It was extremely difficult. We spent hours and hours a day on feeding.

Once Hannah hit 2 years old we began to be discharged from specialists…one after another. Now 4 years old, we only see Dr. Stare. Looking back it’s hard to believe where we came from compared to where we are now.

We know we’ll never win the lottery – we used all our luck up with Hannah. We believe in the power of prayer. We survived on the support and love of family and friends. Hannah pushed forward with the fierce determination and stubbornness – traits that have totally freaked us out when thinking of her as a teenager. And we owe everything to the DRs and Nurses of the NICU.

We love the idea if Itsy because of the importance of families helping families during a difficult time. A hidden blessing to our ordeal was the lifetime friendships we developed and the unexpected angels that entered our lives. The Almeida family went through a similar journey with their son Alex years earlier….hearing about our story and not knowing us they reached out and shared, support, celebrated and cried with us. They visited, wrote emails and brought gifts. They will never know the impact they had on our lives. In turn, my husband and I have done the same to others going through the early stages of preemie life. We need each other – there is none in the world that understands what we are going through or went through then someone who shared the same experience.

Our family is now completed. I gave birth to our son, Elijah (35 weeks) on September 4th, 2011. He spent 1 night in the NICU (just to copy his big sister). Our little preemie, Hannah, started JK this fall. Our daughter, who JP’s wedding band once fit around her leg, got on a bus and waved good-bye with no fear. We are truly blessed.

The first two weeks of his life were low key: he slowly progressed and was doing well. On day 15, he started getting sick. That was the beginning of a long, terrifying journey. On day 22, Benjamin was diagnosed with necrotizing enterocolitis and had his first bowel surgery right in the NICU. We weren’t sure if he was going to survive but he recovered well and healed quickly. We knew he still had to have another surgery and had hoped it was his last. He had his second surgery two weeks later but became very sick. Due to serious complications he had emergency surgery once again.. Amazingly he recovered well after being so sick. Six weeks after that he had his fourth surgery which was successful and his bowels have been functioning well since then.

We spent three months in the NICU before moving to LHSC. Those three months were the scariest, most trying months of our lives; but we made it through with the constant support of the the doctors and nurses in the NICU. They became our family, our confidents, our shoulders to cry on. They took care of our precious baby when we could not do anything for him. They were there for the late night phone calls and for our early morning visits. They knew what to say and what not to say… they were our everything in our darkest hours.

Even after we left we continued to receive so much support from nurses, therapists, social workers etc. If we were ever unsure about anything we knew we could call and receive the help we needed.

We are eternally indebted to the staff of the NICU at St. Josephs hospital.

Shannon Carmichael

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